felt the need

So I sit here listening to my children outside screaming and yelling as they play for one of the few last times before winter sets in. Thinking to myself, wow it’s getting real. I am 39 years old, married, have 2 children and I am a graduate nurse. It all happened before I turned 40. I never saw that coming when I was in my early 20's. I am proud!!! I am excited!!!! I am scared!!! Proud that I accomplished something, excited to be what I always dreamed of being and scared to get out there and do it. I’m thinking most new nurses felt the same way. I came from being a truck driver to a stay at home mom to a student and now I have to learn how to not be a student and be the one who has compassion, knowledge and insight. It’s a scary feeling because as a student some didn't trust but put a RN on your badge and they suddenly have your trust. They trust that you’re going to make them better and mend them back to health. 

Of the last 2 years of my crazy high stressed life of being a student I learned a lot, not just the book work to read and notes to study and homework to do, but I learned a lot from how I was taught. I am a visual person and I learned and took a lot in with my eyes. I have visions of pictures burned in my mind, some not so good and some were learning tools to someday use again.

    I grew close to the instructors and some I just grew to know. At the nurse pinning we had to choose a special person, part of the staff to pin us, It wasn't a very hard choice I knew who I wanted and I had my reasons why.

     When I showed up on first shift of my first med-surg clinical rotation I met a beautiful blonde young woman with a sparkle in her eyes but a sad look about her. We quickly learned she had been up all night with her dog and had decided to put her/him (not real sure) down only hours before we met. My heart sunk I choked up knowing I have once experienced her grief. I saw she was soft inside just like us. From that moment on she had me. She had a glow around her even though she was going through hard times. (many during our rotation)She had a smile that just made you feel warm and a personality that was way deeper than anyone I ever knew. Along with knowledge she had compassion. And this is where I learned to have compassion for others. Yes the right med. and right interventions etc....will heal but the process is slower without compassion. I saw it in real time. Jan Johnson, you have taught me what I need to know and I would give anything to become half the person and Nurse you are. Thank you so very much!!!! I will never forget you....as of today I will never walk in a hospital as a student again.