Tuesday, October 9, 2012

so much on my mind!!!

I'm sure most people now days feel the same. So much on my mind. In a nutshell my kids are growing way too fast, I think I’ve reached the point of starting menopause and I wanted another baby!!! Its not going to happen anyway. I’m too old and I couldn’t handle another from our gene pool. My husband and my genes don’t mix very well. I’m being honest. Sometimes I wish my life would have been different but I look at it and would go through the exact same things to get out what I have so far.
My daughter is now 10 and she is going on 30. She thinks she is responsible and can do whatever she pleases. I understand I was a 10 year old too….but now I’m the Mom and I have turned into my own mother. As hard as that is to except that’s what it is!! LOL I have to laugh now looking back I thought she was so mean because she didn’t want me to do much outside of her leash. I now understand. I know my Mom was pretty over protective and probably to the extreme but back when I was growing up things were not as harsh as they are today. Under some circumstances I will be a little overbearing as to who she is with and where she goes but its life. I rather her hate me for the moment than never give her the chance to hate me again. She is in puberty and has those rush of hormones and my goodness!! I’ll just leave it at that.
As for me, well I wake up in the middle of the night just wet with sweat and and some point I find myself smelling the covers and making sure “someone” didn’t pee the bed. I get so wet with sweat I have to change out of my clothes and I get so cold and clammy feeling I hate it. It doesn’t happen every night but it happens at least twice a week. I don’t feel overdressed because my husband puts the furnace on 65. That’s cold enough. I think it’s that time and I’m not ready for it!!! My Grandma went through it at 36 and with a flash of the eye its was done. No depression, mood swings or mental breakdowns!!! Gosh I hope that’s how it is here. I’m going to the gyno and having my tubes tied, stuffed or something so I can get off bc and live normally. I’m having a hard time excepting all of this. Life does not stop and I have to flow with it even if I’m not ready. Sucks but that’s why they say live everyday as if it were your last. Getting old suck!!!! Inside I still feel like I’m in my 20’s.
Last week I went for a bike rie with my Dad and his friends. Nice group of people now wonder why he refuses to stop running even though he had surgery and is now rubbibg bone to bone on his knee. It’s the friends that make his retire life more fun and worth while. I supposed he will find something else to do like biking or walking. I hope. It’s come to the end of the road for him and running I believe. Sometime in the future he will be looking forward to a knee replacement as the doctors words are now coming reality. He didn’t want to hear that. Like I said getting old sucks. Maybe he will be a gym junkie and start lifting weights and be one of those cut grandpas LOL

As for now I have to get back to life, make phone calls and do other peoples jobs makes lists for this week’s dinner plans, laundry, figure out where I will continue my education ie. BSN or MSN. Have a great day!!!!

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